yhe. nothings better than fucking a hard sharp piece of plastic
-scott

I have to REALLY push to get it down.
-scott

scott: im waiting for beer to kick in.
chris: how much?
scott: alcohol+anestetic :)
scott: just one
scott: i got another in the fridge
scott: chilled to errection
scott: :| perfection
scott: wtf
chris: ew
scott: i certainly am on drugs.
Chris: what sort of fucking typo is that

Scott: *gets his juices flowing*
Scott: ... creating juices
Scott: creative juices

OMFG SUBMITTED TO QUOTEFILE LOLZOR!!!!!111
-chris(?)

Tabitha: im just being bred.
Tabitha: bored rather

Chris: and a wireless netwok
Chris: *network
Scott: netwok to cook cyber stirfry

Carly: but it was really gross comming form ym dad
Carly: it was a had to be ther emomebt
Carly: i cant type!]

Scott: eah
Scott: yag
Scott: yeag
Scott: YEAH.
Scott: FFS>
Scott: ARG!!!
Scott: im so not typofiling that
Chris: do it biatch

how many standard drinks can you have b4 drinking?
-carly

Scott: most my friends are kinda simpe
Scott: simple
Scott: headdesk.
Ryder: lol you owned your self

Scott: well i just ate... (wait for it)...
Scott: a medium quater pownder! :| 
Scott: which for me is alot
Scott: which for me is a very bad type
scott: typo
scott: arg. i think im going to have to typo-file that 
Scott: you do that

"Just got goodi fla xll unt then i o tonye."
- txt message sent by scott

scott: just dnort a bunch of amphwrts
scott: drunk fofccee!
scott: omg! typo factor ^_^
darna: but im in pain i need sleep
scott: okie doke go sleep shen.
scott: gnihgt!
scott: omg.
scott: gnight!
darna: keep trying... and stay off the drugs :)
scott: NEVR!!!!!! <--- that was on purporse
scott: shit!

Kristy: or you can always call my rob's mobile.
Kristy: remove my from that sentence...
Scott: hah

Diet foods dont let you live longer, it just seems longer
- Ryders dad

Can i have the crusts?
- james' sister

Dont call it stealing. its called "embezzling" the zs make it sound cool
-chris

It feels like... *ZooNK*
-Ryder

Aww! Tom gets to prance!
-Scott

Chris: Just like how jesus and penis sound the same
Scott: They taste the same too.

Some people use weapons to kill people. i just drop boats on them.
-g3ek

What about flying the helicopter upside down, so it can chop people's heads off.
-Chris

Anything said by me is quotefileable
-Chris

it tastes like hot chocolate but frozen
-clarissa

woah thats a funky looking bin. oh no wait its a tree.
-scott

Hey. i ooze sexuality like an infected penis.
-Someone i cant remember.

Im not paid to be nice
-photography lecturer

James: The english used to be my rivals, now the are my bitches
Scott: Pfft, the english are everyones bitches
Scott: oh. your talking about the game... ;)
James: *shoots scott*

Aww man, why do the young ones always have the best arses?
-chad

Scott: Get off allready!
Chad: ok just let me drop my spawn...

Could you lick with a broken spine?
-scott

Chad: Hey do you have the TV guide for like two weeks ago?
Scott: Yeah hangon its in my room

And anything i can lick is cool.
-scott

Scott: u going to a pub or something?
Cassie: Nah its like a huge arse party
Scott: oh cool. i love arse partys

why why oh why did I think that drinking 11 shots of vodka in two hours was a
substitute for social contact?
-Chris

vent my sexual frustration upon some young, firm bodied germans... oh yes...
-scott

I think ill be a woman today...
-Cameron

Damn glorified oversized sweat glands
-Chris

Oh yeah right, guys date chicks
-Chris

omg how cool would that be... you could taste food with your penis
-Scott

nah im not high. oh no wait... yes i am
-scott

You could probably fuck your large inestine
-chris

Chris: my god we should so genetically engineer men to have flavored penises and women to have taste
buds on their clitorises. This is the best idea ever
Scott: omg dude. we will make millions

Chris: how did they get the cat to do that?
Scott: masturbate?
Chris: that's your solution to everything.

now get naked and answer that door damnit
-scott

my strong, firm and stiff knife.
-chris

I was bored and cutting the hairs on my arms and i slipped
-chris

and there i was thinking it was another girl who had decided that the best way to get rid of me was to have sex with other girls
-james

Scott: i got spoiled a long time ago. i went to hale for 12 years, remember
Scott: oh man that sounds so freaking wrong >_<

scott: spoodle
Chris: spoodles taste good with noodles
Scott: and elf
Chris: mmm precius elf
Chris: damn legolas
scott: we should lick him
Chris: would it make him melt?
Scott: 'legolas melted as scott slowly licked him all over'
scott: yes. he might.
Chris: oooh sounds fun
Chris: Elf, the penis that melts in your mouth not in your hands

its fun to discriminate
-scott

James: what time do you want to come over tommorow?
scott: dunno whenever, wherever...
Scott: we'll learn to be together *shoots himself*

i just felt like slapping something.
-scott

Jacinta: you want me to start thumping your head instead?
scott: which head? ;) :O

When you just let the computer do the work for you, its not your art. its like letting a monkey do the work for you.
you must control the monkey... harness the monkey...
-Lee, design lecturer

But i want a piggy puff!
-chad

I think it's time for us to compose a song about lube. The kind that comes out your arse
-chris

scott:   im not gay!
scott:   and like i said. if you ever want me to prove it... ive got the stick of butter right here ;)
jacinta: i'm leaving now!
scott:   lesbian. 8-)
jacinta: that stick of butter is just sooooooooo wrong....*shudders* all it needs is a nice bun to go on
Jacinta: ewwwwwwwwwww
Jacinta: i'm goin now
scott:   i woudlnt mind putting some butter on your 'bun' ;)
scott:   eugh. thats so wrong.
jacinta: JUST GOOOOOOOO
jacinta: you disgusting male thing
scott:   is the lesbian scared?
jacinta: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW
scott:   :P
jacinta: no i'm just scared of UR moldy stick of butter
scott:   hey its not mouldy
jacinta: *shudders*.....
jacinta: look i have to go
scott:   hehe okie doke ill cya tonight ;)
jacinta: i'm giving anna a hand
scott:   ah cool
jacinta: so i'll catchya tonight...hopefully without ur stick or *shudders*
scott:   'give anna a hand'?... disgusting lesbians.
scott:   unclean! UNCLEAN!
jacinta: *hits Scott on head* back in ur box!
scott:   harder! :)
jacinta: YOU are SOOOOOO WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
scott:   muhahaha
jacinta: gah!!!!!!!!
jacinta: just go
* JL|Bittersweet memories  (mob no 0422894617) is now Offline

guy: my days been so shit.
scott: :S
scott: what happen?
guy: someone set us up the bomb! :D
scott: we get signal
guy: main screen turn on
scott: how are you gentlemen
guy: haha! you fucked it up, moron! YOU SUCK!
guy logged off.
-some wank on BFV >:/\

if i was a girl, i'd bang ya
-cassie

*pets his buiskit*
-scott

Although it was kind of gross to see bits of sausage everywhere
-Chris

hilary
-scott 10/11/04

their loose, used bodies are mine for the licking
-scott

Chris: you realize of course that if the government gets its hands on the quote file
Chris: you and I will be sent to mental institutions?
Scott: yep
Scott: actually no
Scott: they wouldnt send us there, because we might contaminate the others

Chris: the quote file grows more powerful each day like a pubescent girl's developing breasts

I looked better than that!
-chad, after seeing chris in drag

and then you stick the rats on your penis and ejaculate and they go flying off
-chris

Chris: and this is why I'm scared of children
Scott: im usually scared because im afraid i wont measure up in the sack

scott: *ruffles ya hair*
cassie: touch my hair...
scott: and win a prize!
cassie: no... and YOU WILL FUCKING DIE!
scott: thats a pretty shitty prize :/


Scott: krrrk. what noise does lighning make
Cassie: it doenst make a noise
Cassie: well it does but we cant hear it. it would be like 'zzzzz'
Scott: you mean that fucking big noise that it makes
Scottwhen it shakes your house 
Cassie: thats thunder
Scott: dont get technical with me!

and unicorn blood makes awesome lube
-scott

Scott: but, if shes blind how does she pick up the dog poop?
my dad: brail!

menstration doesnt have bubbles!
-alex, chads gf

nothing builds character like getting pounded in the arse
- James

Scott: He's a fag.
cassie: nup. hes not.
Scott: yup. he will be. give my 5 mins alone with him and he will realise how much of a fag he really is.

i love the smell of thrush in the morning
-auto_da_fe

its like moon walking except it hurts
-ryder

scott: ever notice you dont get many female clowns?
sarah: we dont go that low.

im a busy man! ive got porn to watch!
-gareth

scott: so whats in a dimsim
scotts dad: well anything can go into them really. saying 'dimsim' is like saying 'snacks'
scott: so its basically meat wrapped in a thing?
scotts dad: yeah these ones are, but really they can be any kind of dog

i can smell wood on my lips
-nicky

you cant do this! i just dropped!
- some guy at a rave, after taking a pill and having the rave stop.

AFK keyboard sticky
-chris

yeah kittens mouths are small
-scott

aww thats so cute! i wish i was gay so i could bang him :(
-scott

today you can add sending christmas message to jewish girl to my list of stupid stuff I've done
-chris

stick of butter my ass.
-scott

I think they're platonically cute. (You know that you've gone wrong somewhere when you have to specify
that your love of kids is platonic)
-chris

please don't leave me alone with a hot girl
-chris

Scott: i dunno... am i? :|
jabba: YES!
Scott: "YES!" geeze, what are you climaxing over there or something?
Scott: keep it to yourself, woman.
Jabba: you PIG

i cant believe theres only one quote from me. ive said heaps of stupid shit.
-cameron

Sami: contrary to popular belief, porn is not everything.
scott: blasphemy!

i love the smell of opium!
-carly

Damn combine trying to stop people from breeding!!! Only startrek and the internet are allowed to do that
-chis

Your in a bit of a pickle there!
-bec

cant sleep. scott will shoot of my toes.
-bec

i wish i could get paid for ripping drug fucked cunts off... oh wait, i do sell dodgy rok to meth heads... yay me.
-someone on the intensity forum

any surprise visits of people wanting a room will be met with fuck off
-chris

your staying inside, lil miss drunk!
-bec

More wrinkles than pension day at the bank.
-bec

my hands smell like nuggets
-bec

its kinda cool dating mums bf's son
-nicky

i'm cheap compared to most girls!!
-tabitha

Tabitha: "working at the carwash...working at the carwash yeah!"
Scott: i SWEAR... if you sing that again...
Tabitha: you'll give me a free carwash!?
Scott: no, ill kill your family.

The amount of times i've woken up after a heavy night of drinking with a penis on some part of me
-scott

You know you're bored when you actually cheer for sperm.
-chris

Die, speed limit, Die!
-chris, whilst driving.

Making out with another man to impress your GF is totally the definition of whipped. 
-Chris

darna: you work?
scott: yup!
scott: see darna, some of us have aspiring careers... dreams... ambitions...
darna: where do you work?
scott: a carwash
darna: lmao

When i grow up, i wanna be a bacon and egg mcmuffin!
-scott

Nothing beats making out with someones belly button.
-scott

carly: sure u dont want some more room?
nicky: yeah ur taking up half the couch, carly.
scott: well, carlys a big girl.
carly: yeah im a big gir-- HEY!

dance, drink, and carly will kiss pretty much anyone.
-carly

Flat on my back. just the way i like it.
-bec

nah im going to wait till dads had a few before i convince him to be the designated driver.
-peter fillis

moving on from the fuckness
-bec

its her little dog thing
-bec

its really sticky and it gets everywhere
-bec

if you get it and rub it, it feels soooo good
-bec

ive moved onto poop.
-bec

scott: john howard?
cassie: i like his bush.
cassie: i mean his bushy eyebrows! >_<

Urine is your excuse for everything
-chris

you know when you sit on something soft all day you need to sit on something hard?
-carly

Scott: More about your penis
Chris: its away right now
Chris: its like that toung from the booze add
Chris: it wonders off looking for better things. sometimes it comes back with herpes

Chris: One day there so tiny, just an idea spawned by alcohol and suddenly they are huge and man eating
Scott: erm
Scott: are we talking about bec or the quotefile?

wake up in a bath full of ice thinking "oh shit my kidney!" and then you realise "oh no its cool.
someone just put a baby in my ass again"
-scott

its not confetti.. its more like money... go into maccas and they are like "will you be paying in cash, credit, or thrush?"
-scott

I just want its long rubber neck!
-cassie

Chris:The typofile is like quotefile for retards
Scott: hehe
Scott: and you appear in it so much
Scott: actually you dont 
Chris: Yeah it's more of a Scott thing
Chris: like herpes

Ive had enough of people licking me
-carly

I pole danced to this song!
-Carly

You cant spread your legs too well with a mini skirt...
-Carly

That wasnt salty at all
-Carly

Its called the chris lim hole. everyones been there.
-Carly

Scott dont start up warhammer. choose an addiction thats cheaper and less time consuming like heroin or crack.
-James

Scott: i think its kinda sweet...
Scott: a "inbred family" kind of sweet...

It was four AM and i was laying on my bed with my eyes open and you didnt take the oppertunity.
-bec

Rabbits do drugs too!
-scott

i need to plug it in right now
-bec

it wont fit.
-bec

its raining mini dicks!
-bec

If I were a girl I'd bang everyone here except the losers. So really my situation would not change at all.
-chris

Cassie: no one can buy my love
Scott: i can!
Scott: *pulls out a 5*
Cassie: *swoons*

Eww scott, i dont want to see your food, i just want to take your sause and eat it
-bec

Man. Seriously. Im all wet.
-bec

Sven and i were going at it for ages
-Bec

you little bitch, why dont you nibble!?
-Carly

Thats the crappiest movie ive ever seen half of
-nicky (carlys sister)

Im sitting here cross legged playing snake
-scott

Aww now my pants are all moist
-Scott

That better be your penis
-Scott

I cant help it im always pulling and fiddling with things
-Bec

Is that guy up my ass?
-Carly

When the guy comes just put it between your legs
-Scott

I love getting all dirty
-Carly

Come on, stroke me again...
-bec

I love it when you stroke them and they have got their mouth open and they are panting and you rub them
between the eyes and they are like "ooh, ooh, dont stop!"
-bec

Scott: your full of dirty smut
Bec: well i read plenty of it...

Im perferming acts of a very sexual nature with a piece of paper
-scott

its the easiest thing i could grab to play with
-carly

i printed it out and tried to masturbate with it but all i got was paper cuts
-Chris

Chris: my other car drank petrol like i drink coke.
Scott: or sperm.

You gotta be worried when talk of penis doesnt even make us bat
-Chris

Scott: are you talking to the noodles again
Bec: yes i am!

Your the biggest poo that ever pooed.
-bec

Chris:My stethoscope is ultra 1337 it has two sides one for babies and one for adults
Scott: heh, you now have an excuse to touch children

Once a doctor thought I had herpes. I had two rounds of tests, both came up negative.
To this day, only have flimsy theories about what it was, but it couldn't have been herpes
since I've only slept with virgins.
-Sammi

Im pretty floppy
-Scott

Bec: I can poke you and still get off...
scott: eww!!

In the other version you get your pinky toe and stick it up their nose.
-Nicky

Robbing a bank and getting tied to a toilet does that to you.
-Scott

Too far down my throat.
-Bec

Now im all sticky.
-Scott

Hey! I get to play with a sack!
-bec

You'd be a great drag queen
-Carly

Aww man i wet my bed
-bec

Im a burping, farting girl
-bec

Fingers arent for eating. they are for playing.
-bec

Im a two finger guy. ;)
-Scott

as it is I'll just suck on chocolate condoms
-chris

Scott: Hurrah! im going raving on sunday *is stoked*
Sarah: dont rave about it
















Scott: If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?
Hillary: I must have found a time machine that made me younger somehow...

is it ok if I use you as an example of the stupidity of my friends?
-Chris

Go on, stick it in her ear...
-bec

i suck at everything!
-carly

Ill have an apple as sort of an orange
-ryder

Whats that song that goes "take me away"
-scott

It feels better when you use your hands
-cameron

im rubbing off onto you
-carly

do i get to wear your friends?
-carly

Ill give it a wack
-scott

Its the pear from the night!
-ryder

I enjoy using big words for masturbation, it makes my self abuse seem less seedy
-chris

scott: If its in the bible it must be good!
scott: *fucks men*

i am teh sexc act0r. script for benzos, when i went to the doctor on E
-Rob Grassic

rumours of me getting 4 people to hold down the Med social secretary so I could pash him are grossly exagerated
-chris

well chris youve kissed scott all u needa do is kiss me
-carly

Scott: hey is taking dexies a good idea tonight? or should i just go clean
Rob: well i'd suggest you give them to me, because im an amphetamine whore but yeah... go easy on them hey

Rob: a blue THING!
Rob: OMG!
Rob:  i wish my thing was blue too.

im debating whether to shove some dexies up my ass
-rob

im quite proficient in cramming stuff into my ass thanks very much
-scott

Some guy at a rave: whats that other thing they perscribe to ADD peoples that isnt an amphetamine?
other guy at rave: beatings?

Even special people like to get some
-carly

i think its meant for 15 year old girls, but i read it anyway
-james

my mouth is a discusting sock.
-perry

Scott: can you put weed in your ass?
Rob: no. You cant.
Rob: its fat soluble, not water
Scott: sure you can! ^_^
Rob: well. you can... but you wont get very high
Rob: but you'd have pot in ur ass
Scott: so what if you inject lard into your ass, and then cram some weed up there
Rob: but then the lard needs to be dissolved into your bloodstream
Rob: which it wont be
Scott: so then you put a knife up there too
Rob: or a squidjig

You're quote-filed, bitch! 
-Scott 

i remember raping a guy who was doing that
-scott 

I'm walking as straight as I can dammit
-Scott

just think of something you can rub into me
-bec

i was the lubricant that had fallen on the floor
-bec

Ryder: wtf what the hell am i doing
Scott: i ask myself that alot

you would think they could invent a glue that sticks
-ryder

watch it, thats delicate piece of machinery
-my boss, in all seriousness, after i drop a dustpan and brush.

that toilet owned.
-scott

im not drunk *stumble, kicks can of booze*
-carly

i'll get proof of age ID tomorrow.
-cameron. in about june.

i dont hear anything!... oh.. its on pause.
-carly

i dont function well when im sober
-james

i need to scratch my nose. wheres my nose!?!?!
-carly

its all thick and sticky and sweet.
-carly

it ejaculated on me!
-scott

yeah man, i had an awersome night last night... i had beans from the bean bags in my ugg boots to massage my feet
-steve

Gareth: WOW! irc is the same as 6 years ago! everyone sits around and says nothing!
Gareth: or talks about penises. i'm not sure which is better.
scott: yeah i know. msn is so much better...
Gareth: mmm
scott: so... how about penises?

Gareth: rise = underage e-tards
scott: hey! my friends go there!
scott: oh. wait. yeah your right.

chris: that cloud looks like a penis
carly: no, YOU look like a penis
chris: well you look like a penis vagina.

i think your lesbian friend is uh... exploding or something...
-scott

he looks like a cross between a drunk, a prostitute, and a clown
-scott

you'll have something all over your face in a minute...
-carly

yay! go my ass!
-carly

sexual chicken
-scott

bec: so you like stuff?
scott: nah stuff sucks
scott: oh, stuff.
scott: yeah i love stuff... i just thought you said "bec" :D
bec: screw you!
scott: :D :D :D

Scott: hey your smart... what a word that means the opposite of funny
Sarah: dad?

ryder: arrr my neck, pwned by rendering, at least the fuems num the pain...



there were so many thrusting men..
-carly

someone at uni: is 100km fast on a motorbike?
Lee (lecturer): not as fast as on a skateboard.

ryder: how do you do a fish?
scott: its kinda like doing a person but not...
scott: with dificulty
ryder: you've got experience.
scott: disturbingly... yeah... i do...

im allowed to grope myself, its my body
-carly

wow, anna! you *can* blow hard!
-brian

ive always liked monkeys driving cars.
-john (uni lecturer)

*is big blob of overeatenness*
-hillary

Excuse me, i have to go call immagration so i dont get deported
-gabby... my uni lecturer o_O

Ryder: i recon fish are cool
Scott: what the.. get away from me
Ryder: No... like... as in fish.

You'd have to pay me to fuck him.
-carly

Shooting off your toe is the greatest contraceptive
-Scott

damn i stapled my bag to the carpet
-ryder

You know me, any excuse to use something sharp and pointy.
-ryder

i'm blonde and guy's take that for granted 
-some ditzy girl on msn

usually i just feel like talking or writing a book or scrubbing dead skin off my body with iron wool.
-scott

The drinking has begun!
-james... at 10am... on anzac day...

Gareth: Damnit! i want my tentacle rape!
Scott: quotefiled!
Gareth: Damnit!
Scott:  damnit, i type 'gareth' and i get 'hard'.
Gareth: you get what?
Scott: i get 'hard' whenever i type 'gareth'.
Gareth:  what...
Scott: i get 'hard'!... oh... crap!
scott:   stupid dictionary
giggling on both parts for next hour.

Scott: woot. i got premiere tickets to hitchhikers guide tonight
Rob: woah nice. whos dick did you suck to get that? the guy at the candy bar? ;P
Scott: nah... carlys! shes gotten premiere tickets before too!... shes a keeper! :)

Scott: *gives himself an egg white enema*
Rob: you'd poop mirangue
Scott: yum.
Scott: poo thats good enough to eat.
Rob: atleast for black people
Rob: in africa.
Scott: sNap
Scott: your going straight to hell for that one ;)

its warm and comfy and i like to put my hand in it.
-carly

it tastes like concentrated passionpop
-scott

hahahahahahah dude im so fucking retarded. i just realised that last time i did robbo,
i drank 200ml of it, and most people drink like 300mg. i didnt realise theres a
difference between mg and ml... i drank 600mg of robbo last time
headdesk of the fucking week!
-retardboy oops i mean scott.

hey buy on a gike! im high!
-scott

at first i thought it was a fetus in a cage and then i realised it was a baby on a chair
-rob

and yeah. in my state, i thought he was a skeleton
-scott

i have the attention span of a newt on acid
-rob

Scott: so shes like me?
Bec: worse then u
Scott: wow thats fucked up.

*highlights his beer* ctrl.. c... ctrl... v....  damnit!
-scott

Carly: hey chad, whats the most romantic thing you have done for a girl?
chad: broken up with her

my arm feels like a skipping rope!
-carly

i think it was coz there were a few ppl round and movie n stuff enough stimulation to prevent the brain
from going "HEY HEY!! LETS FUCK THIS DOUCHE UP!"
-rob

Scott: and when i dont feel like paying attention, i dont take them, and i sell them to retarded meth heads instead!
Gareth: like me!
Scott: yeah!
Gareth: woo!
Scott: nah half the people at raves just about suck my dick to get them. its great!

im always right, except when im wrong.
-carly

guy at northbridge: that guys good, becasue he stopped at the lights... *points at scott* your not, because you dont have a car.
scott: you dont have a car either.
guy at northbridge: fuck you man!

its the thing that stops your penis from going everywhere
-carly

raver: hey
scott: hey, im scott
raver: dave. *shakes hand*
-awquard pause-
scott: so, you pop?
raver: huh?
scott: pop. do you pop?
raver: huh?
scott: do you POP!?
raver: oh! pop! nah i dont do that shit.
scott: ah ok.
raver: do you?
scott: nah not really
raver: sure you dont. *rolls eyes*
scott: nah i dont. well im perscribed stuff
raver: sure. friggen meth head. *walks off*

Clarke Rubber is like... bong makers paradise.
-ryder

aw. im laying on human juices.
-scott

im pretty into perferated metal

-glenda. uni lecturer.

can i have a smell of your sniff?
-rob

Scott: how much blood is in your body
Scott: on average
Chris: 5 litres I think
Scott: bummer.
Chris: why?
Scott: its best you dont know


Sarha: sigh. guys.
Scott: oh dont sigh like were normal guys
Scott: normal guys would be like "boobs!... boobs.... booooob.... boob!"
Scott: see us... were special..
Scott: were all like "penis... PENIS! peeeeenis... penis."

Carly: who was that dude who just walked by
Cassie: it was my mum.

Thats disgusting! get out of my mouth.
-scott

why cant you be more like the other boys?
-lee

Scott: poop poop poop
Gareth: so that's what the kids are into these days

i *really* like cream.
-scott

you know, about 15 minutes ago, i gave god the finger, and i have no idea why...    nangs rock.
-scott

Tom cruise is a wanker.
-lee

scott: like extacy up the ass.
ryder: ...
scott: yes, you can.
rob: yes, i have.
ryder: ...

is that a monkey... doing it with her head??...  oh no wait its her hair.
-scott

matt C: stop playing with the lighter.
ryder: im just holding it!...

and how many nangs can you fit down your pants?
-scott

Back in the day when marrying a five year old was ok
- Scott 

i still dont know why anyone would want to go on exchange to perth for a year...
let alone visit kalgoorly... unless you like pubs... and horny miners...
kaloorly suddenly rocks.
-scott

scott: how old are you again?
dumb girl: 16
scott: i thought u were like 14 or something
dumb girl: hehe yeah i am i was joking.
dumb girl: sorry!
scott: damn kids :P
dumb girl: im sorry :(
scott: heh np
dumb girl: cool.
scott: stop saying 'sorry' so much. u act like im going to abuse you or something
dumb girl: sorry
scott: o_O
dumb girl: oh! sorry!
dumb girl: oops. ummm.
scott: thats right. bitch.

*noddles the nod nod*
-scott

scott: i miss hooking in with random young girls and not feeling guilty.
Chris: Yeah well we've all got problems 
Chris: (Fake Chris Brand Sympathy)

------------------------------------------------------------------------
MISSING CHAPTERSMISSING CHAPTERSMISSING CHAPTERS
MISSING CHAPTERSMISSING CHAPTERSMISSING CHAPTERS
MISSING CHAPTERSMISSING CHAPTERSMISSING CHAPTERS
MISSING CHAPTERSMISSING CHAPTERSMISSING CHAPTERS
------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm a painslut, but musical pain is just a little too much for me.
- Kristy

shit sucks, video looks a gay parade and Why the fuck is there a black musician in this band?
Fuck you all and fuck this
- youtuber

little kids always keep losing their clothes.
- Kristy

James: we got cracked onto by this woman who was either retarted or really high.
Asked us if she could drink the liquid out of the glow stick we gave her then proceeded to deep throat it

And people say drugs are bad.
- Emily

Scott: the vagina has an eye
Scott: ... it winked at me :|
Kristy: It's actually an asshole.. and it's not winking.


Kristy: one man band and all that
Kristy: one man, one computer, awesome music. pretty cool
Scott: im two thirds my way to being pretty cool
Kristy: you're not a man
Kristy: mac's are for fags
Kristy: and you don't make awesoem music
Kristy: .../fail
Scott: aw snap 

it's going absolutely nipples
  - Aaron

blue come is the best come
  - Chris

Scott: yay your here to listen to my domain issues 
Aaron: oh um hi
Aaron: Aaron's not actually here
Aaron: um
Aaron: *slam*
Aaron: *tyre squeel*
Scott: ok ok but seriously ...just try to ftp to fungalduck.com and tell me what goes wrong

but it has 13 firewalls, last time we were hacked they only go upto the 7th and the virus they
dropped in through the backdoor died in the bandwidth
  - chris

i was reluctant to open it with the words, "Dead" "Fox" "Condom" in the address, but curiousity won.
  - Emily

Scott: bees are worth alot cos of that hive syndrome thing
Scott: i think they went up like 3 times in price since XX years ago or whatever
Christy: lol you're so articulate Scott
Scott: oh wait the article is about thet
Scott: im articulate enough for people to fully understand what i mean ;0
Christy: well yeah, you are.
Scott: why try harder when your already 100% 
Christy: ..lol
Scott: I'm not going to answer that.
Scott: *wins*
Christy: meh

Emily: alright dude, im heading off to bed, i feel like shit :S
Scott: ill cry if you go :(
Emily: awwwww
Emily: lol
Emily: i can stay for 5 more minutes if you like
Scott: Scott: only 5? :(
Emily: ok i can do 10 :)
Scott: im only worth 10 minutes to you? :(
Scott: ...i can do this for *days*

Scott: whatever, go back to germany 
Scott: you JEW.

Scott: dont hang up on me, just cos im shoving my arm up my butt
Carly: now thats something i would want to pay attention to, scott

chinese go crazy of a little kid hitting himself in the balls
  - Gareth

brb poo
  - Rob

Cassie: im open to hear about teenagers n hearing about there alien sex... O.o
Cassie: i wont judge!

how do i turn it off?
   - Carly

its like picking your nose except its your penis
  - Anonymous

yeah i'm a bit... 'slow witted'... and craving pork.
  - Laura

Customer: 'you can't do anything for me!'
Laura: ''i can pass you through to the cancellation team...'
Customer: 'oh yes you certainly could!'

are girly arms a disadvantage or something?
  - Matt S

If they are old enough to make the decision to do drugs, they are old enough to get fucked by scott.
  - Scott

i just want to whip out my box and tell everyone to touch it.
  - Laura

i cant remember if i took more nurofen recently 
  - laura

it is our sacred mission to find the divine shrubbery
  - Rob

Scptt: ts fun to tell the support guys that when they layoffs begin they are the front line of our defence.
Scott: and make them wear skirts.

the freezer was the only way to keep her corpse fresh
  - Gareth

"tickle me" elmo, right... like we believe that
  - Gareth

Gareth: oh holy shit there's come on that kids lips
Scott: tsk tsk, might have to qf that
Gareth: can you fix the punctuation? i don't want to look bad 
Scott: no. also im quotfiling that so you look like a dick :)
Gareth: i wouldn't mind looking like a dick, it might get more guys to follow me home

at least i didn't send you the one where the guy had two bananas up his butt
  - Gareth

by the age of 7 she'll be able to fit that whole bunch into her mouth at once
  - Matt O

Andrew W: It's... So... Hard not to comment...
Andrew W: Must control fingers >.<
Scott: got a problem fingering there do ya?
Andrew W: Wish you were a girl, I could have loads of comebacks for that :(.
Andrew W: I usually "let my fingers do the walking" :)
Scott: are... you comming onto me? O_O
Andrew W: Do you want me to?

Jesus is the best meme ever.
  - Anon

Now i just cant stop thinking about red balls and semen.
  - Scott

I've been to a party on Gay Street.
  - Aaron

by the age of 7 she'll be able to fit that whole bunch into her mouth at once
  - Sherlock

Your application for this domain name has been deemed ineligible for the following reason: Customer is frequent drug user.
  - Ben

i've got an 18 inch silicone fist on my desk
  - Wadds

Do you think it's possible for garlic bread to absorb metal?
  - Laura

You know how i had a rent inspection? So... They went to our house and opened the front door and it fell off
- Aaron

sucking isn't a bad thing - if you're a fag or a woman... and there's little better than a fag woman
  - Gareth

Gareth: why the fuck is there a pair of nunchucks hanging over the door handle
Scott: in case moses comes back to steal their drugs again.
Gareth: damn that moses

James: if you were a woman, you'd have sex with me
Scott: i dont need to be a woman to want to have sex with you ;P

Laura: while you were sleeping. she touched you
Scott: what's up with people touching me while I sleep >:/
Laura: your daddy started a trend

Scott: my hair is braided 
Sandra: one braid or two?
Scott: one on each side
Scott: kinda like a roman
Scott: but im not gay

Gareth: ooo did i tell you i might be going to the philippines for work?
Scott: what sorta work
Gareth: quality assurance on the local supply of whores

Scott: LABAL

Gareth: i r pushing the wrong buttans
Scott: lablal! *tard face*
Gareth: laaaabaaaaalll

Scott: i eated it because im board! 
Scott: or i ated the board because im acid...

Andrew: why am I listening to boy girl music?
Scott: would you rather it was boy boy music?

or you could use goatse's butt and turn it into a bucket bong.
- Scott

Ben: PEM will now accept .php default loading pages on Windows
Ben: Rejoice and celebrate this amazing feat.
Scott: ill rejoice all over your mothers face
Ben: Too late. I already have.
Scott: o_O
Ben: It was more like  ~x_O

Emily: I wear the pants in this relationship
Scott: so what, do i wear a skirt or something?
Emily: yeah, for the easy access
Scott: now why would you want access there?
Emily: because I like your vagina... I mean.. penis

ill show you yours if you show me mine. wait.
- scott

aw, she aint fugly aint she
- Chris

Scott: oooooh free back rubs, and i had half a bar this morning
Emily: where is my half a bar, and my free back rubs...
Scott; oh dont worry ill be giving you my full bar when you get here ;)
 
putting thoes into the wank bank
- laura

Ben: PEM will now accept .php default loading pages on Windows
Ben: Rejoice and celebrate this amazing feat.
Scott: illre joice all over your mothers face
Ben: Too late. I already have.
Scott: o_O
Ben: It was more like  ~x_O
 
Scott: oooooh free back rubs, and i had half a bar this morning
Emily: where is my half a bar, and my free back rubs...
Scott: oh dont worry ill be giving you my full bar when you get here ;)

Scott: The signs are going backwards
Chris: I feel bad too.

Im not as sobre as i thought i was when i was looking at that snail.
- Chris

dad: you been smoking again?
scott: nahh burning stuff
dad: oh ok

Is it premium urine... cos I ain't hiking up my pantaloons for any commoners urine
- Sandra

I got a job here as they were desperate and I was available... hmm kinda mirrors my sex life :(
- Sandra

you look so much like a girl from behind.
- Andrew

mmm fluffy cuddly bacon
- Gareth

when you said you ate seafood for lunch and winked for 15 seconds i assumed you were talking about vag. my bad.
- Matt L

Scott: how about "Chicks Are Useless".
Scott: im sure that would go down well.
Aaron: If they did go down well. then they wouldn't be so useless

I wear the wizard hat in this relationship
- Emily

It feels weird to be fully clothed now.
- Emily

do you know anyone who can 'source' me a mobile phone? I need a spare
- Matt S

lol you're meant to put it underneath your computer to riped in doodlehead
- laura

Is google wacking masturbating to google image search? because if so im the master of google wacking.
- Andrew

Well I'm sorry my choice of jam offends you and your penis
- sandra

Scott: shes more mole than your average geraldton girl :|
Emily: yeah thats pretty mole.

is your wood tingling? come up to my cabin, little boy.
- Andrew

your pretty good at squatting
- Andrew

rape is practically nirvana compared to what the girl in the hello kitty mask will do to you.
- Scott

"yeah, your eyes are wow-big"
- Nurse at the E.R.

if i was by myself i would have mushed it all over my face by now.
- Emily

Scott: Which side can you see?
Emily: My boobie side

Im never eating a bnana again.
- Emily

Colin: hear your sack is full of candy
Scott: you heard wrong, my sack is full of testicles... but they are filled with candy.
Colin: Candy in testicles in sack, the candy is still in the sack 
Scott: shut up and suck my cock.

I guess it makes sense that you came out smelling like your mum's vag.
- Ben

Nothing beats a well salted penis
- Scott
 
malcoms technological skills make me wet/
- Scott

i cant bring myself to shit on anyone
- Emily

it's like a 9 year old has discovered self reference and is masturbating with it
- Gareth

in jail you get all the sex you want - and more!
- Scott

I'll set you appart, scott
- ben

Scott: i cant keep them both up
Matt S: thats what she said.

I ate out my entire house
- Emily

i was going to say jelly fish after penis jizz
- Emily

Scott: where they take of their clothes and their willies go in eachother
Emily: willies dont go in eachother.

Now thinking about willies going in willies.
- Emily

hes more of a fallace of your imagination
- ????

I'll dress up in womens underware for him.
- Scott

dead people don't need clothes?
- Sandra

Emily: you should have rolled a hunter.
Scott: why?
Emily: because your fucking retarded.

Lol it would have looked life a smurf if it was born in one of those toilets that has the blue water?
- Sandra

Country people love horse penis
- Ben

I dont have a hardrive, I just have a bunch of asians in my basement and force them to remember numbers 
- Emily

the cheerleading one made me almost laugh food out of my mouth.
- Scott

The greeks had it right: men for love, woman for children, and boys for variety.
- Lucas.

Don't be afraid, but i will look like a bulldog eating mayonaise.
- Lucas

I need to wee like a pregnant woman
- Lucas

lol i just want to eat him
- Matt O

Ben: Has anyone spoken to this customer and/or possibly deleted the DROID job?
Matt L: You'll have to wait a bit for a response from everyone as over a third of the team is currently embroiled in
Matt L: an intense 5+ minute discussion on the various differences between the mathematics of World of Warcraft and Pokemon.
Matt L: I wish that was a joke.

wow your hair smells great.
- Andrew

yeah, laura has nice drawers.
- Andrew

48 with young beautiful skin
- Andrew

This one kinda looks like a flaming vagina....
- Carly

when you get the dog, slip it in there.
- Matt S

Scott: hey ben do you grab under your desk alot?
Ben: what.

woah thats the second time today ive mashed the keyboard and its come out with "PMS"
- Ben

i dont feel comfortable with you behind me.
- Scott

i friggen wish i had a half pickle
- Scott

i just realized i put on my pants backwards
- Andrew W

Scott: no wonder his eyes are like that
Scott: from years of dodging flying sperm

I totally have a depressed vagina right now :'(
- Laura

i could run my hands over that from 9 to 5 each monday to friday.
- Matt S

I could fit my grandma in this thing
- Emily

Scott: There's probably more gays in America than there are in Australia.
Laura: I know, have you *been* to ohio?

Malcolms girlfriend springs out from his mother's shirt and begins mauling him?
- Matt L

I fucked glass once. didn't care for it.
- Scott

Matt L: seems pretty straight forward to me
Matt L: like my penis when i'm around malcolms mother
Andrew W: That'd be a straight behind, wouldn't it?
Matt L: no, not at all like that
Matt L: i advise you see a doctor immediately

It's not rape if they can't vote.
- Colin

That's not a pink dolphin. That's my wang.
- Ben

Andrew: I know what I'm watching 7pm weeknights...
Scott: Children in a playground?

OH NOES THEYLL HAX YOUR BRAINZ WIHT YOUR BIRTHDATE!@$#
- Michael U

isnt a keyboard a keyboard?
- Andrew G

I'm now releasing a gushing stream of renewal juice all over our customers.
- Matt L

Nah. To see Steve Job's face... I just need to close my eyes.
- Scott

Scott: Good thing this wasn't in the 80s
Aaron: Is it a good thing that it's in his ass?

You take your pants down, and then you get taken by the systema
Chris R

Sorry baby brain just about to have a baby LOL
- Customer

Scott: rape@westnet.com.au is available :)
Quentin: ... excuse me.

I was the box they pump out of
- Andrew

i jumped around my house so hard i broke my thong
- Emily

i was too busy checking out his tits to notice.
- Scott

Emily: I'm so glad Scott's not here to quote all my fuck ups
Aaron: Quotefiled!

Halt evil do-er, I command you to *WANK*
- Adon B

your a wee little fat stick
- Emily

Hey Web Hosting People
Is it possible to get my old domain name back?
Im sure you sent me a sms waaaay back, but ive been busy having a nervous breakdown.
I love you
[customer name removed]

i swear marie know's everyone here's bladder.
- Andrew

like lebonese, thats like black and italian right?
- Emily

Caramel is for assholes anyway.
- Scott

I'll happily take it both ways.
- Scott

Lady: did you, like, go to university to get this job?
Scott: nope, im just sacrificed my social life for computers
Lady: oh, because my boyfriend is doing computer science at uni and i never know what he will do with it
Scott: I'm pretty sure he wont have this job, unless he drops out of uni like i did.

im going to get someone to clean my carpet
- Emily

Quentin: fallout sucked.
Quentin: more brown wasteland with no content plz. i want moar.
Scott: I'll give you all the brown content you can swallow.

By our semens combined we shal have a fetus!
- Planktonic

Welcome to my cheese palace.
- Laura

Laura: I love sleeping with ladders!
Laura's Mum: That's what your dad said.

If we can't leave bottles of urine in the streets, Vic, then the terrorists have won.
- Someone on the internet

Aaron: Shove it up his arse
Scott: like a real man.

Scott: I'm finding so much hair in my mouth, its ridiculous
Laura: Sorry about that. 

Laura: i dont want an orgasm while im giving birth
Scott: can i have one?

My colon is so drafty.
- Laura

I'm eating cum mash.
- Laura

Chad: FYI - your my next of kin for my next few field trips. Dont let them pull the plug if im not brain dead.
Scott: Can i have your cd player?

ATG: i searched 'water ionization' on howstuffworks
ATG: and got something about testicle scanning

takeawayrape: why exactly does a robot need a glass penis anyway

Anonymous: you guys know the first rule of fight club is never trust a funbar. while you're watching this picture loop over and over, fubar is literally hacking the gibson. LITERALLY*.
Anonymous: *literally means "with books," right?

I like the taste of nuts
- Pomme

Aaron: No.
Laura: Thats what life said to thoes kids

James: When i was in sydney, i met this stripper, who said she came down from canberra to work weekend.
James: maybe you could get some kind of gig like that in melbourne
Scott: i should start stripping?
Scott: ... i guess we all knew this day would come 
James: it's sexier if you cry when you do it.

Aww, i'm going to get a porn infestation now.
 - Laura

thats not my nipple
 - Laura

the sombre taste of vodka tears
 - Daniel Augustyniak

ATO: Enter the number of dependent children you had at any time during 2008-09
Gareth: But there could be dozens!

/dare/guy1: I've got seven Cepacol cough lozenges at 5mg DXM each. Will 35mg do anything whatsoever?
/dare/guy2: Yeah it'll get rid of your cough

Sometimes i wish the glden showers never end.
 - Mike M

Fuck you. I ate banana muffins.
 - Matt O

If it wasn't for mike and his big stack behind me, I would have called.
 - Paul

I dont want to go and be a slut
 - Mum

How do i message back?
 - Laura with her new iphone

99: I pirate movies in vhs format.
99: I don't even own a computer. I steal film reels from movie theatres.
99: And if you're wondering how I made this post if I don't have a computer, the answer is I didn't.
99: I kidnap the actors, a full orchestra, and steal the props, forcing them to act out every scene in my house boat, at gun point. 
99: Yarrrrrrrrrrr
99: You've taken this pirating thing a little to literally.

Strippers don't have faces
 - Tiffany

Carly: should probably be doing something more worth while with my time...
Carly: amsterdam prostitutes should be at least 23. Awesome. I'm 23...

Andrew: Can't wait man, haven't seen you in ages. Trying to convince Sandra to come too.
Andrew: Ahaha, come, get it? 
Scott: Haha! its funny because she wouldn't come, but I would. 

The butter is the secret.
 - Andrew

Whitey come blow me.
 - Tash

Water aerobics is hard because there is water in the way
 - Tash

Tash come show me how to blow the noodle.
 - Veronica

Boss: If you can read this guy's name we'll hire him.
Scott: Cornelu... Lordouche?
Boss: Not a chance.

makes me want to know what the guy with his mouth open is doing with his hands
 - Scott

man toddlers are strong
 - Chris

It's like a leprechan screaming something about a potato
 - Aaron

Nowadays I just smear vegimite over a whole carrot and chow down.
 - Cecilia

My mum told me I'm well proportioned 2, she told me my cock is in proportion with my leg.
 - Brenton

Scott: Hey just because i was born with an abnormally large head.
Rach: I feel sorry for your mother.

Andrew: That's cutting off your nose to spite your face man
Andrew: Or rather, cutting off your stauche to spite your cock

Team rocket 4 lyfe.
- Scott

my butt cleavage could use a little emphasis
- Tash

Just make a finger puppet of me
- Tash

Scott: I poke holes in my condoms - I guess I probably have several hundred children by now
Ricky: How do they grow so fast?
Ricky: IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE
Scott: Magical sperm.
Ricky: case closed

i like weeing
- Linda

It was like playing drunk tetris with my car
 - Will K

Scott: well you are pretty annoying 
Tash: that is not how you spell amazing Scott

Andrew: hey - answer this question the second you read it - don't think about it, just answer it...
Andrew: I'm going to develop a facebook application - give me an idea for what it should be
Andrew: GO!
Scott: dicks?
Andrew: ok
Andrew: think slightly
Scott: big tasty dicks
Andrew: ok
Andrew: thanks man
Andrew: very helpful 
Scott: always happy to help

Hey don't scratch my horse porn
- Scott

James: i had a thought that could make us millions
Scott: become pimps?
James: glen is still saying no

matt: is the service team going to colac any time soon?
scott: how dare you call us a team.

James: If shes hot and wants to have sex with you, you should probably kill her.
James: (After you have sex with her)

Scott: ok so hear me out - we dress me up as a dog, and i hide a knife on me
Tash: i will not hear that out

Scott: I'm sorry but sexual misadventures with melted candle wax and posteriors is not "spiritual"
Scott: No matter how fun it may be at the time.

Scott: You can discuss topics, buy and sell stuff, or meet a grandfather that wants to suck on your toes
Natasha: My toes are cold atm
Scott: Then craigslist is for you

Fuck equal rights.
- Simon (my boss)

Dubois: Well i do find lobster sex is highly erotic, however invertebrate sex is difficult...
Dubois: So dogs provide me with the warm a vetabrate body, but the sexy lobster coating ;)

I don't know how to use a fax machine.
- Liam H

Natasha: I feel like I've been eating for hours!
Scott: I feel like I've been eating my whole life...

Natasha: I cant believe I thought I'd actually be able to paint!

Scott: eiether way, im going to troll it to hell.
Planktonic: You couldn't troll your way out from under a wet bridge.
Scott: Pfft, I've trolled my way both in and out of your wet bridge hundreds of times.